Shiiiiii! Just found out I’m mostly Chippewa Cree and all this time I thought I was mostly Kootenai! Then I found out I’m a living stereotypical indin, hanging round the fort waitin for some din din! Then the wind blew the fort down… and they built a casino so I got a job there, but then they fired me cause I was too indian looking so now everyone there is a Suyape, and the only indin working there is security and he’s too busy lookin all stoic cause he doesn’t know any other way to be!! So then I tried assimilating but all I got was drunk and rejected, so I made my own trail of tears back to the REZ only to find that the Suyapes wanted that too cause they like our land, like it a lot! So I tried to be urban but that was too confusing, so I became an apple cause it’s easier just to tell everyone I’m cherokee or choctaw some wannabe indin outlaw, but that didn’t work either, so I cut my hair and pretended to be mexican but the only thing that happened was I got paid less and worked more! ..So then I joined a commune, and all the suyapes grew out their hair and wanted to be like me, the ultimate hippie cause supposedly all of us can talk to animals and shapeshift, but the only thing I ever changed into was an asshole .. so I left and now here I be, the one and only m’effn Chippewa Cree/Kootenai, and still stereotippin, all stoic and shiz!!
by Chad Hiatt